NEWS DESK
Notes on Washington and the world by the staff of The New Yorker.
APRIL 26, 2012
PRESIDENT ROMNEY’S SECOND MEETING WITH WORLD LEADERS
Aides want to illustrate to skeptical voters that Mr. Romney is a ‘real guy,’ but his gaffe-prone campaigning has convinced handlers to keep him behind a protective ring, known to insiders as the Mittness Protection Programme.
—The Times of London, April 4, 2012
The evening being unseasonably mild, the opening reception of the G-8 summit was being held on the hotel’s terrace, overlooking the Mediterranean. As President Mitt Romney entered, he was greeted by Stephen Harper, the Prime Minister of Canada, who said, “Hello, Mr. President. Pretty warm for this time of year, eh?”
President Romney started to speak, but a large, clean-cut gentleman stepped between him and Prime Minister Harper. The man could have been mistaken for a Secret Service agent—he was wearing the characteristic earpiece; he had the blank expression—but in the buttonhole of his lapel, in the place where President Romney had an American flag, he was wearing a pin that said M.P.P. He was Special Agent Kevin Harrington, of the Mittness Protection Program.
“The President’s position on the absence of proof of man-made global warming is available in several position papers,” Special Agent Harrington said. “Any of them is available by e-mail or the United States Postal Service, if you will simply write down your contact information on this form.” He handed the Prime Minister of Canada a form and a pen that had on it the 2012 Romney campaign motto: ”We Settle For Mitt!”
“But I only…” the Prime Minister began. At that point, he was interrupted by the appearance of Prime Minister Yoshihiko Noda, of Japan, who gave the President a high five and said, “Hey, Mr. President, how about those Red Sox!”
Before President Romney could reply, two additional M.P.P. men, Special Agents Newton and Bainbridge, suddenly appeared, picked up Prime Minister Noda under his arms, and deposited him across the terrace, behind a rhododendron.
Prime Minister Noda looked crestfallen. “Was it my English?” he muttered. “Should it have been ‘How about them Red Sox?’”
But the two M.P.P. men were already out of earshot. They were striding across the terrace to where President Romney stood with Nicolas Sarkozy, who, as President of France, was the host of the conference. President Sarkozy was sipping a glass of the 1982 Château Cheval Blanc Saint-Émilion he’d arranged to have furnished for the reception and President Romney was holding a Dr. Pepper.
“Is your suite satisfactory?” President Sarkozy was saying.
Before President Romney could reply, Special Agent Harrington dropped an olive pit into the French President’s glass and said, as if it had been an accident, “Oh, sorry.”
“I saw that,” German Chancellor Angela Merkel said, approaching the group. “You did that on purpose.”
Special Agent Harrington, startled, seemed to be at a loss for words. Finally, he said, “Butt out, lady.”
“You can’t talk to her like that, you rotter!” said David Cameron, the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom. The Prime Minister assumed what appeared to be a nineteenth-century prize-fighting pose.
“No, you can’t,” said Chancellor Merkel, whacking Harrington with a large briefing book prepared for the next day’s session on the future of the euro. Harrington tried to shove Prime Minister Cameron, but instead knocked down Prime Minister Noda, who had appeared suddenly, shouting, “THEM Red Sox! THEM Red Sox!” Special Agent Newton knelt behind Chancellor Merkel so Special Agent Bainbridge could push her over (a standard M.P.P. martial-arts tactic), but she swivelled away, got Harrington in a headlock, and led him off the terrace. As the security detail and the press pool swarmed in, they heard Special Agent Harrington, still in the headlock, say quite clearly, “President Romney has no comment.”
Illustration by Tom Bachtell.
Read more http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/newsdesk/2012/04/president-romneys-second-meeting-with-world-leaders.html#ixzz1tNioY2kn
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